Today at work, my coworker came over and asked me why I was coding something a particular way. I’m pretty sure this dude and I are fast on our way to frenemies, and his tone suggested he was about to school me on why I was wrong (paper in hand to point it out to my face in fact). I said “it’s coded that way because we changed it two weeks ago in our meeting with accounting, remember?” No? “The way it’s written now is flawed, so this is why we changed it…” Oh good, he remembered now. So I followed up “Also, remember, our database automatically does this, so even if I was wrong, this isn’t actually a Kate thing. I’m not confusing the codes, that’s what the database produces when I lock a donation. You should bring these questions to Jon, because I wouldn’t be able to fix it for you.” And his response was to cut me off mid-sentence to tell me “Don’t get defensive!” Ummm excuse you? Me calmly explaining why things function in this way is not defensiveness. Maybe you were responding to my pointing you in a different direction in the future? Again, it isn’t defensive for me to explain how things work to you. And it isn’t even defensiveness to draw a line on taking on work I cannot do and am not responsible for. Cannot stand when someone dismisses what’s being said by cutting you off and blaming emotions getting out of hand.
feel good inc. // gorillaz
love forever, love is free
let’s turn forever, you and me
windmill, windmill for the land
is everybody in?
The real meaning of “I’m not like the other girls” is, I think, “I’m not the media’s image of what girls should be.” Well, very, very few of us are. Pop culture wants to tell us that we’re all shallow, backstabbing, appearance-obsessed shopaholics without a thought in our heads beyond cute boys and cuter handbags. It’s a lie – a flat-out lie – and we need to recognize it and say so instead of accepting that judgment as true for other girls, but not for you.
also like, girls trying to be a special snowflake by throwing other girls under the bus don’t realize that, baby, you will be piled with the rest of the girls by the dominant part of society, you will be reduced to a hysterical mess of a woman whenever you cross a line, you will be stuck into the stereotypical offensive form of a woman by men. step up and realize that they will try to destroy you either way and you need to wake up before they accomplish it.(via depocamadre)
Talk to the parts of the person that aren’t being eaten by the depression. Make it as easy as possible to make and keep plans, if you have the emotional resources to be the initiator and to meet your friends a little more than halfway. If the person turns down a bunch of invitations in a row because (presumably) they don’t have the energy to be social, respect their autonomy by giving it a month or two and then try again. Keep the invitations simple; “Any chance we could have breakfast Saturday?” > “ARE YOU AVOIDING ME BECAUSE YOU’RE DEPRESSED OR BECAUSE YOU HATE ME I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP YOU.” “I miss you and I want to see you” > “I’m worried about you.” A depressed person is going to have a shame spiral about how their shame is making them avoid you and how that’s giving them more shame, which is making them avoid you no matter what you do. No need for you to call attention to it. Just keep asking. “I want to see you” “Let’s do this thing.” “If you are feeling low, I understand, and I don’t want to impose on you, but I miss your face. Please come have coffee with me.” “Apology accepted. ApologIES accepted. So. Gelato and Outlander?”
P.S. A lot of people with depression and other mental illnesses have trouble making decisions or choosing from a bunch of different options. “Wanna get dinner at that pizza place on Tuesday night?” is a LOT easier to answer than “So wanna hang out sometime? What do you want to do?”
Far fewer articles describe the other constitutional violations taking place on the streets of Missouri, and those violations are every bit as urgent as the infringements on speech and assembly. We’ve seen very little coverage of the use of tear gas and rubber bullets as constitutional violations. But the due process clause bans the police from using excessive force even when they are within their rights to control a crowd or arrest a suspect. And tear gas is in a category all its own. Not only is unleashing it into a crowd an unconstitutional exercise of excessive force, but its use is banned by international law. That’s one of the reasons Amnesty International sent a team of investigators to Ferguson. Similarly, the use of rubber bullets under the circumstances is also unconstitutional. Some kinds of rubber bullets are more unconstitutional than others, because certain types are more likely to injure and maim.
But excessive use of force is only the beginning. Pulling people out of the crowd and arresting them without probable cause (or for being 2 feet off the sidewalk) violates the Fourth and 14th Amendments, particularly when those arrests are disproportionately of black protesters. The general arrest statistics in Ferguson reveal what looks to be a stunning constitutional problem. According to an annual report last year from the Missouri attorney general’s office, Ferguson police were twice as likely to arrest blacks during traffic stops as they were whites. Emerging reports about racial disparities in Ferguson’s criminal justice system and the ways in which the town uses trivial violations by blacks to bankroll the city (and disenfranchise offenders) all represent constitutional questions. Why don’t we characterize them as such? These are not just violations of the law or bad policy. These are violations of our most basic and fundamental civil liberties.
Of course, probably the biggest potential constitutional violation of all—and eyewitness testimony suggests this as a real possibility—is the alleged use of excessive force by the police in shooting an unarmed 18-year-old at least six times. Under the law, each of those bullets must be separately justified, as necessary, even if one believes the officer’s story that Michael Brown rushed him. To be sure, the news media has covered this, but very few of us talk about the shooting as a potential violation of the Constitution. Remember, the Constitution is the foundational bargain between the people and their government, the framework on which our legal order rests. When we fail to talk about the arrests, searches, racial profiling, and government brutality in constitutional terms, we are failing to capture how profoundly the state has betrayed its promises.
i wish my life was like the twist & shout scene in ferris bueller’s day off but if anything it’s more like the scene where cameron is hopelessly staring at that seurat painting while his friends are making out